Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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