i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
