Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
