My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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