I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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