Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
