Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
