i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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