There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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