girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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