Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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