You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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