Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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