I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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