we made out on top of his cat.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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