I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Randomize
