Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
