i would punch a child for taco bell
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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