I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When are your genitals available?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
