Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
