Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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