I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
