omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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