I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
a search helicopter?!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize