Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
