I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
