How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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