Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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