I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
