we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I have post one night stand depression
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
