Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
