i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
