ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
