I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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