Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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