I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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