The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
