For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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