Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Come on in and take your pants off
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