you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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