WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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