tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
