Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Drunk is not a location!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
