I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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