Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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