We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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