she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
