This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Randomize
