So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
