Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
