As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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