I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize