Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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