Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
