I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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