My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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