I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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