i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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