Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize