I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think my moral compass just broke
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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