I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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