These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
