Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
