I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up under a house in Key West
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
