I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
