so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think I am morally bankrupt
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's always time for handjobs
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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