You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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