his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
