After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
