Already got asked if we're dating
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
