okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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