apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This baby is an asshole
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
