My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
