I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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