I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize