You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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