What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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