boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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