Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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