I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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