How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize