I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
