Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize