yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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