I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
